Faith
Religious Nuts
There were four country churches in a small town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with rats.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the rats. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the rats were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Baptist Church the rats had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the rats in it. The rats escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.Health | Poetry/Jokes | Fashion | Entertainment | Interior
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The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation.
So, they humanely trapped the rats and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the rats were back.
But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the rats and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Exorcism
The word Exorcism comes from the Greek word exorkizein, which means ex: out and horkezen: to bind by oath and to drive off by adjuration.
The practice of exorcism throughout the ages has been used to remove Demons from possessed people.
Some of the first records of exorcism are from the bible, when Christ himself banished demons from afflicted people. And he said that anyone could do the same. Luke: In my name shall they cast out devils.
The Christian belief is that demons may meddle in the thoughts and activities of people as much as God permits. This is done because the faithful are able to use their free will with the grace of God to not be tempted. Demons can only tempt people they can not effect his free will. If a person permits himself to become alienated from God, and be tempted by greed, pride, fear or any other low moral standards he can easily become possessed. This is seen in the bible James 1:12, Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him.In December 2007, the Polish Catholic Church has approved plans for an exorcism centre in the town of Poczernin. Andrzej Trojanowski, the Stettin-based Catholic priest behind the project, insists that there is nothing unusual about the center, which he says is still only in its planning phase.
But while dismissing the newspaper reports as sensationalist, he conceded that he was indeed a practising exorcist, and said he did not rule out the possibility of visitors to the center who believe they are possessed by Satan.
Exorcism is not at odds with modern Catholic thinking."We do believe in the existence of evil in the world, and we acknowledge that some of the people we see are suffering from conditions that cannot be treated by medicine or therapy," Richard Bell, an exorcism expert from Nottingham University in England, agreed that the devil can manifest himself in things such as illness or counterfeit religion.
"But it is important to make a distinction between demonic possession (which requires 'exorcism,' the driving out of an evil spirit) and demonic oppression (which requires the driving away of an evil spirit)," he said. "I take the view that it is impossible for a Christian to be possessed, but they can be oppressed and require 'deliverance.'"
Even the Vatican is showing a renewed interest in the subject. In 1999, it updated the Rite of Exorcism for the first time since 1614.
Moreover, Rome's prestigious Athenaeum Pontificium Regina Apostolorum College in 2005 launched a course for exorcists, which includes classes on the history of Satanism.
Last month, however, the Vatican denied it was planning to increase the number of Roman Catholic priests, who cast out evil spirits around the world after the Roman Catholic Web site Petrus revealed that the pope intended to install more exorcists in every diocese in 2008 and to reintroduce a prayer during mass to St. Michael the Archangel, believed to be the prime protector against evil.
"Pope Benedict XVI has no intention of ordering local bishops to bring in garrisons of exorcists to fight demonic possession,'' Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi told reporters.
The Vow of Celebracy
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where he's met by a reception committee of angels. After a whirlwind tour, The Pope is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning the languages.
After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original handwritten script.The angel librarian hears a loud scream, and goes running toward its source only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, shaking and crying.
"The R! They left out the R!"
"What do you mean?" the angel librarian asks.
After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"
