The Standard (Kenya) "What is all the fuss about?" Weseka Sambu asked a hastily convened news conference at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. "A technical hitch like this could have happened anywhere in the world. You people are not patriots. You just want to cause trouble".

Sambu, a spokesman for Kenya Airways, was speaking after the cancellation of a through flight from Kisumu, via Jomo Kenyatta, to Berlin: "The forty-two passengers had boarded the plane ready for take-off, when the pilot noticed one of the tyres was flat. Kenya Airways did not possess a spare tyre, and unfortunately the airport nitrogen canister was empty. A passenger suggested taking the tyre to a petrol station for inflation, but unluckily the jack had gone missing so we couldn´t get the wheel off. Our engineers tried heroically to re-inflate the tyre with a bicycle pump, but had no luck, and the pilot even blew into the valve with his mouth, but he passed out. "When I announced that the flight had to be abandoned, one of the passengers, Mr Mutu, suddenly struck me about the face with a life-jacket whistle and said we were a national disgrace. I told him he was being ridiculous, and that there was to be another flight in a fortnight. And, in the meantime, he would be able to enjoy the scenery around Kisumu, albeit at his own expense."

The Observer  "I have promised to keep his identity confidential,´ said Mabvuto Nyirenda, a spokeswoman for the Mt.Soche Hotel, "but I can confirm that he is no longer in our employment".

Zimbabwe Farce

As the Zimbabwe's economy collapsed at the turn of the millennium, artists and comedians struggled to find humour in the buffoonish dictatorship of president Robert Mugabe.
"Twice nightly in a small theatre in Harare, the capital," The Economist reported, "Edgar Langeveldt jokes about race, repression, economic collapse and invasions of white-owned farms by 'war vets'. Dressed in drag, as a prostitute-turned-politician, he calls himself a 'whore vet'. He is of mixed race and moans: 'I'm half indigenous, but I haven't been given even half a farm!' The all-race audience hoots."

. The Nation (Swaziland) "The situation is absolutely under control," Transport Minister Ephraim Magagula told the Swaziland parliament in Mbabane. "Our nation´s merchant navy is perfectly safe. We just don´t know where it is, that´s all."